I NEED Chocolate!!!

"I need Chocolate!" I sighed as I fell down on the hotel bed after a day filled with shy smiles, eager hugs, and generous gifts from the children at the Compassion church partner. Our tour group of nearly forty Americans had conducted a Vacation Bible School type event at a church project with over one hundred sponsored children. We had ended the day, by serving them lunch before they left to go to school. In Bolivia, children attend school for only four hours a day either in the morning or afternoon. My husband's response to my declaration of need caught me off guard. "Need? After what we've been seeing, I don't think that you can say that you need chocolate." His words were kind, and I was in a place to listen. In reality, I do not need chocolate, nor many of the things that I have learned to depend on. After seeing families in their homes, and thinking of my home, or watching women walking along the road carrying heavy loads and thinking of my car, there are many things that I do not need. In some cases, those things like cars or washing machines are not bad, and I would be foolish to opt to walk or wash my clothes by hand instead. We are blessed by the wealth of our nation and benefit from it every day. In other ways, I have let the extreme plenty of our country invade my expectations. I have come to think that I need and deserve the things that are really just God's bountiful blessings in my life. It is so easy to take my great blessings for granted and to see them as my right. It is easy to begin to base my happiness and fulfillment in things rather than in my relationship with the Almighty God. I do not need chocolate, but I did enjoy the dark chocolate that my brother bought for me in Sucre, Bolivia where they are known for their chocolate making. After all, the native peoples of South America were the first to enjoy chocolate. I'm really glad that they shared!

Adventures in Bolivia part 1

I've wanted to share some about our trip to Bolivia since we've returned, but it seems that the time to process and think it all out has been scant. I do have some impressions that I wanted to sketch out that might take greater shape in the future. This is my attempt to begin to think them out. Being with my brother and his family was the highlight of my trip. It was a blessing to see their faithful work and realize how amazingly God has fit their family to the place and work that He has called them. I remember things about growing up with my brother, and I know that even then, God was crafting a faithful worker for His harvest field. It encourages me that God has also fit me to my work and is even now fitting my children for the work that He will one day call them to. What an amazingly wise God we serve. Seeing my brother's ministry also whispered another message to my heart. God isn't really impressed by the things that impress us. Americans tend to be motivated by how large or far-reaching something is. But I think that God cares more for the faithful obedience of His saints than He cares about numbers. As American Christians, we've fallen for the lie that God needs us to do BIG things for Him, that if a ministry is going to have impact, it must reach the masses. What if we were all faithful to reach our families and neighbors, our co-workers and friends? It seems to me that we need to reject the secular thinking that "Big is Better," and just faithfully serve the ones that God has put in our way today. This idea might seem like an excuse, and I know that God sometimes picks one to reach more, but I think that we have sacrificed faithful service to God to our own ambition in the name of "doing more." People everywhere are people and are proud of their country and who they are. The sick Quechua lady that rode down the mountain with me spoke no English or Spanish. I speak no Quechua, but she attempted very sweetly to teach me the names of the trees and cacti that we were bouncing past. I am not a good auditory learner, so as far as I can tell, in Bolivia the trees with long thorns are called "Gotcha, Gotcha" trees, and another type is called the "Taco" tree. When we were with the Compassion tour, I was saddened to see many young ladies with our group who were in their late twenties. Many of them shared that they would like to be married, but aren't being pursued by Godly young men. I am praying for God to raise up men to lead and serve the next generation. I am praying for a Godly husband for my daughter! In the weeks since we got back I think I have learned one of my biggest lessons from our time away. I had a very difficult time coming back to teaching home school. I felt discouraged the minute I stepped back into that role. The task seems too big. I am overwhelmed by the amount of work involved in teaching my four children at home. That along with all the other tasks that require my time. There is more to do that I can humanly accomplish. Most days, I just hope to stay one hop ahead of the alligator chomping at my back as I skip across the swamp of life. It is easy for me to despair, to feel as if I will never have a clean house again, or find time to run, or read, or be creative. It is tempting, to be bitter at the place that God has chosen to put me when other women seem to have such freedom to keep their houses clean or pursue their own interests without having to rob time from their children and husbands. Sometimes, I've tried to deal with these emotions, by trying to care less about the state of our home, or by trying to be more organized. Those things are worthy pursuits, but they fall short of the real need. I need to deal with the part of my heart that is ungrateful and questions the goodness and greatness of God. If He is God, and He is Good, then He can be trusted with my moments. He can be trusted to sustain me when the work is unfinished. He is worthy of my praise and thanks. Going to Bolivia, and being with people who have different lives reminded me that we have chosen to home school. This is not some curse thrust on me from an unkind source. This lifestyle is my choice. I choose to teach my children at home for many reasons not the least of which is what God is using it to teach me. When I remember that, I find that I can be more grateful for the goodness of God in allowing me this ministry. Bolivia was what I expected and not. I'll have to try to think about how to talk about the country and its people another time.

Moonfall

I chased my shadow up the hill yesterday morning under the nearly full moon, a few brave stars, and the lightening eastern sky. The rising sun changed the view from one beautiful scene to another. Days like that are why I've always wished to paint. My heart aches to capture the beauty that God pours into moments.