Monday, March 2, 2009

A few weeks before Christmas, I went out in the evening to do some errands. The roads were icy, and snow swirled in the wind. Walking across the parking lots, I noticed that most of the other shoppers had their heads down, tucked in their coats. It was the reasonable and even sane thing to do, but I just couldn't bring myself to waste such a lovely storm by hiding from it. I raised my head to feel the wind whipping the snow against my face. The wind and snow weren't the only things that struck me.

Sometimes things happen that make me want to self-protect. I feel as if making wiser choices, or being more careful, or taking fewer chances can lessen my pain. I determine to live life to minimize struggles. After our baby died, my husband and I talked about if we might want another baby. Honestly, I'm afraid. What if this should happen again? What if we have a baby that is sick? What if? What if? What if? “I don't want to feel this way again!” is my first response, but there is another way to respond to the pain that comes as a natural course of life.

There is surrender; surrender to the One who loves me and wants the best for me. But surrender involves risk. Life is full of risk; there is always something to lose. There is also something to be gained when we let go and take a step of faith that makes no logical sense. It can't be explained and those around us shake their heads at our apparent insanity, but I want my kids to learn to risk. I want them to try new things even when they are afraid, even when it might not make sense. I want them to learn to walk by faith. So, rather than tucking my head into my coat to hide from the storm, I'll throw my head back to see the glory hiding in the storm that God has chosen for me and in the process enjoy the snowflakes melting on my cheeks.