The Son

Recently, we read about the Aztec practice of sacrificing humans to their sun god. They believed that each night the darkness conquered the sun and that he had to be strengthened by the shedding of human blood so that he could rise each morning. Archaeologists estimate that the Aztecs sacrificed one person every half hour for years. This morning during my run, the clouds in the east were red. Seeing them reminded me of the Aztec beliefs. It also gladdened my heart that my Son has conquered darkness and death. He is the eternal Light of the world. One day the sun that our planet revolves around will not rise, but darkness will not reign. He will.

On the Trails Again

I had the chance to run the Xterra half again this year in Cheyenne Mountain State Park. It was cold and misty, but the trails were in better shape than last year, and it didn't seem that cold once we started running up. Tried to take it somewhat easy on the climb up the first five miles averaging just under 11 minute miles. At the next mile marker eight miles in, I'd dropped the average to 10 minute miles. The next two miles, did me in at 15 minute miles. I was struggling and had to really use my arms as my legs tightened up. I tried walking just a bit, but knew that if I stopped, I'd not be able to run again, so kept up a slow shuffle using my arms to power up the hills. It was during this section that I almost missed a turn. Hearing a runner behind me, I hollered back to her so that she wouldn't make the same mistake. When I saw who it was, I wanted to keep her behind me, but she eventually caught me. In our conversation, she made several excuses as to why she was going so slowly, then moved ahead of me and out of sight on the winding trail. I knew from passing her on the earlier downhill section that she didn't like the downhill. I rather like the thrill of bombing downhill even in the misty mud. When I got to the downhill portion of the race just before the finish, I could see three runners ahead of me who had all passed me during my uphill struggles a few miles back. A part of me wanted just to cruise in. I knew if I passed them, I'd have to keep running till the finish. I wasn't sure that I wanted to work that hard! But as the finish approached, I knew that I could catch them all, so I sprinted in and just barely caught all three of them. The race was a hard fought effort. There were many times that I struggled to keep pushing myself, but in that it was a victory. I did make up time even on the sections that I felt like I might be losing it. My time was seventeen minutes better than last year's. I'd like to be in good enough shape to run a race at Cheyenne that I truly enjoy. Maybe that means that I need to get running?

Lessons from the Barn

"I've got to clean out the stables since most of the horses are mine." That is what my daughter said as she swept under our dinner table. She was processing what her aunt had said to her a few days before when we had a chance to see her horses. That and she was making a chore fun in her usual way of pretending to be someone else. (I wonder who she got that trait from?) She was also speaking truth. If there aren't any horses in the barn, it stays clean, but it doesn't take on that warm, welcoming odor that is horse. There is no welcoming whinny when you open the door. Her words struck me in another context as I fixed dinner. If I wave goodbye to my little ones in the morning and welcome them from the bus at three in the afternoon, then my house has a chance of being swept and tidy. My garden might not be as full of weeds as it is of productive plants, but I would miss teaching my five-year-old to read, helping my seven-year-old write his first book, and getting binary lessons from my ten-year-old. I would miss so much if we didn't chose to home school. So today, I will attempt to smile as I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, because my "barn" is warm and welcoming. It is filled to overflowing with joy and noise and life.

Sum of Me

During a long run the other day, I had a freeing thought. "I am not the sum of my to-do list." It is amazing how my mood rises and falls with the length of my to-do list. On days, when I can rattle off a long list of tasks accomplished, I feel content and capable. On those days when one challenge after another keeps me from getting into a groove, I feel all knotted up inside. But that is wrong. God does not judge my worth or even my identity by the things that I do or don't get done. I am still a mother, a wife, a runner, a friend, a Christian, a reader, a Montana girl, a Steeler's fan. I still love rain storms, snow, skiing, flowers, growing things, animals, and my family. I have an English degree. I've lost five children. I've been redeemed. I have an eternal home in heaven. No matter the length of my list, I am still all of those things. I don't have to define myself or my success by what I didn't get done today.

Falcon Trail

During my run on the Falcon trail last week, I realized why trails are so magical. Trails follow the lay of the land. A trail might have a beginning and an ending with a goal in mind, but how one gets to the end of the trail is all determined by the land between here and there. Trails go up when the terrain does or down for that matter. Basically, trails are unpredictable, turning left when you know that you are headed right. Roads, on the other hand, are level, straight, easy, and uninteresting. I know that I enjoy life when it is predictable, and manageable. I like living in a culture where change is managed from salaries being adjusted for inflation to the government insuring money deposited in banks. But there is a question that begs to be asked, "What blessings are we missing, by creating such artificial protections around our lives? What lessons does God have for us when we stop limiting our risk?" Maybe the risks aren't financial. Is there someone that I need to love, to forgive, to encourage? Is there a way to live that puts others before myself, and that gains kingdom reward instead of instant gratification? Part of the answer might be in I Cor. 7:22-23 where the contrast is made between being a slave of Christ not the slave of men. If I am Christ's then I can serve others with no thought of my rights or of how they might take advantage of my service. I am not dependent on their right treatment. I belong to Christ. In many ways, I am still a road runner, but I want letting go of my rights to myself, my control of life to be as easy as it is to run bombing down a trail. I want to work at translating that same spirit of abandon to the rest of my life. Anyone for a run?

Parenthood

I knew when we were expecting our first child that my world was about to change. I just had no idea how very different it was going to become. It is so easy to focus on the negative parts of being a parent. Our selfish hearts often begrudge the sleepless nights, the lack of quiet, the difficulty of finishing a sentence. Or maybe, we wish that we could pursue unrestricted travel, leisure, or careers. I have even found myself feeling like holidays are only fun for children, but when you are a parent they are all work! Yesterday, we had a chance to have a fun day at a water park. Another opportunity to think of my children as a hindrance to my ability to get the most out of the experience, to enjoy all the rides that I wanted to go on. By the grace of God it was a very different day. I had a wonderful time, with each of my children, doing life with them. I tried very hard, to see each experience through their eyes. I loved convincing my one-year-old of the joys of playing in the water. It was a delight to see him walking along the "beach" with his brother and wanting to be there! He had a wonderful time. Being the one that your little girl holds on to when the ride is too scary is a priceless treasure. Seeing the thrill on the faces of my big boys when they did something that they thought would be too scary and being there to urge them on was a joy. I am so very thankful for the stretching and growing that being a mommy has brought in my life, but I am also grateful for the treasures of watching them grow and being a part of their journeys of discovery!

Not Even a Queen

We celebrated Mother's Day early, so I wasn't expecting much today, but in church this afternoon, our pastor asked if anyone wanted to share something about their mothers. My three oldest all had something to say. I am thankful for a church that values children and gives them a voice (not just on Mother's Day.) I also thought about the verse that says, "Her children will rise up and call her blessed." What a blessing their words were to my heart! I also greatly appreciated the delightfully fragrant bouquet that they picked for me. My kitchen is filled with the scent of the lovely blossoms right now. I thank God for the opportunity that I have to be the wife of a good man and the mother of his precious children. I am blessed beyond words to be in the place. I wouldn't even trade places with a queen.